Dad Was Lost After Mom Died

Archie Brown remembers when how his mom's death affected his dad.


When Mom died, Dad wandered around aimlessly--figuratively speaking. My brothers and sister all did all we could to include him in what we were doing.
I remember the Friday after Thanksgiving, in my front yard, he and I were watching the girls play. Mom had been gone for 3 months. I made some remark about wishing I knew what to do to help him feel better. His reply, "Ralph, you can not be my buddy. You are my son and you are exactly what I want in a son. But you cannot replace what I had with Betty!"

I was caught off guard, and though I did not want to admit it, I knew it was true. I was thinking like a 35 year old who wanted to protect and defend. It was that day I realized that there is a different perspective in every relationship. It was that day that made it acceptable in my mind when Dad said he and Melba were going to get married. It was that day that made me seriously consider what I would really do if my precious wife were to precede in death.

I can not imagine making the adjustments of a new mate. But I hate to be alone. I would be as lost and aimless as my dad was, if I had no companion to help me see things clearly, and support me in the endeavors of life. I would not settle for just any wife, but I am relatively sure I would want to find a friend to spend the last of my life with.

I have a younger sister who was not happy that Dad was remarrying. She felt he was being unfaithful to Mom. The day before the wedding, she came to my house to tell me she had just come from meeting with Dad. She had told him that she did not want him to get married. He had said, “Yes you do, because you want me to be happy and this is going to make me happy.”

She said a few more things in anger and left to come to my house. She asked me what else she could have said. I told her she had already said too much. Dad has now been married again for over 20 years and we all love Melba, including my sister. We are all very glad Dad has a partner to share his life and fill his heart.

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Did You Hear About The Escaped Gorilla?

Archie Brown's friend of mine told me he read this story in the Houston Chronicle on Sunday the 15th. If it was in the Chronicle, we can believe it!

A gorilla escaped from the zoo at in Washington D.C. The search took several hours, but the ape was in the Library of Congress. On one side he had an open Bible on the other side he had opened a copy of Darwin's Origin of the Species.

When they asked the gorilla what he was doing, his reply was, "I am trying to determine if I am my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother!"

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Did You Hear About Identifying and Developing Talent in Young People?

Here is another Archie Brown favorite story:

I have a friend who was the editor for Church & Family Magazine. His name is Dr. Howard Norton. He has been a missionary, a minister, & a university professor. I met him on the campus where he was teaching when my middle daughter was in college. She also worked in the office with Dr. Norton.

He and I have had something of a mutual admiration for each other. He has spent time in my home and is aware of my work and the amount of time I spend working with teenagers. And he has had contact with several young people that I have tried to help be spiritual, even in their youth.

One day, a year or so ago, I got a call at home from Howard. He told me he had an idea for an article for the magazine, and he thought I was the guy to write it. He said "can you tell folks how to identify and help develop talents in young people?"

I told him that was an easy question to answer. He said something like, "okay, lay it on me." I said "spend a lot of time with them and love them while you are there."

After a pause, Dr. Norton said, "put that in 600 words and send it to me." So I did, and he publihed it.

How would you have answered the question about how to identify and develop talent in young people?

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Eskimos Hunting Wolves!

Archie Brown read a story about how Eskimos hunt wolves. It was a graphic story. Archie was drawn to using the practice to apply it to moral issues or bad habits, or you name it. But he wanted to verify the practice was accurately related in the story. When he did a Google search, he found that Paul Harvey has told the story on the radio, so it must be true, right?

The way Eskimos kill wolves is ingenious. They will coat the blade of a sharp hunting knife with blood. The blood will freeze on the blade. Then the blade will be coated again, frozen, and repeated till the blade is completely hidden by the frozen blood. The hilt of the knife is then planted, with the blade sticking up.

When a wolf smells the blood, he will begin to lick the lethal popsicle. As he proceeds, the blood melts and eventually exposing the sharp edge. The lust for more blood drives the animal to lick faster and faster, never realizing he is now licking his own blood. In the end, the wolf bleeds to death on the snow and the Eskimo has his prey.

Can you think of ways humans participate in destructive behaviors?

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Did You Hear About How I Became Aware of My Fearful Power As A Parent?

Archie Brown is not proud of a moment in his life as a young father that he wants to share here today. Maybe someone will learn to control themselves in administering discipline.

It happened in my parents home when my firstborn was only two years old, so I was 21. My little girl was a well behaved child, and easily controlled. She always sought to please us. But that day at Grandma's house she did or said something I did not like. I do not even remember the cause of my anger at that moment.

I got down on one knee in front of her, took hold of her by each arm, just above the elbow, and looking into her eyes I told her she was not to do that any more! She promised she would not. End of story!

Not quite! The next day we were playing together at our house, I do not remember the game. But I was on the floor in our living room when I noticed the bruise on her arm. I asked her how she hurt herself. She did not know. Then I saw the bruise on her other arm and realized they were my thumb prints! It was a horrible moment of realization, I had hurt my precious little girl.

The only good thing that came out of that incident was that my wife and I made it our practice to always stop and think of what would be appropriate punishment before taking action. We did not want our emotions to dictate the application of discipline again. I am so glad that moment of remorse was not over something much worse than bruised arms. It is too easy to hurt, abuse a child.

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Discipline

Archie Brown believes discipline is very important!


Discipline is not, or should not, be an act of hatred and anger, but one of great love and concern. Every father who cares for his children and their outcome administers discipline. This is not mistreatment, but so they will learn respect for authority and to live in peace with others. Children respect a father who will discipline them out of love.

Likewise God disciplines us for our good, so that we can share in His holiness later. We may not enjoy the reprimand at the time, but if it brings us to an eventual reward in heaven, we will be grateful that He cared enough to discipline.

How were you disciplined? And does that have an impact on the way you administer discipline?

Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

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Did You Hear About Brain Surgery?

Archie Brown was excited when he read about the new brain tumor treatment that is available through the breakthrough equipment known as the Gamma Knife. This allows neurosurgeons to operate on tumors within the brain without having to cut into the patient. The patient's head is stabilized and the equipment rotates around the patient's head discharging a powerful name on a very narrowly focused point to destroy the tumors without the invasiveness of past techniques

This is a sponsored post

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Did You Hear About Grandma's Patience?

Archie likes to tell about Grandma Brown:

My grandma, though not well-educated, had a saying that put some things into their proper perspective. She held that, "there is one trip we all have to take at least once, and that is Up Fool's Hill." All of us do something foolish from time to time. My grandmother had the capacity to overlook foolishness, to discount silly mistakes, and to keep loving and encouraging people to do better.

Frequently, we who are "good" have little tolerance for those who do foolish things with their lives. Where quick to scold, reject, or condemn. It is much easier to react negatively to someone's mistakes, as if we never made any ourselves, than it is to react with tolerance, understanding, and forgiveness.

How, though, do you want people to react when you do something foolish? That is how you should receive their errors. I do not for a moment suppose that my grandma was born with her charity. But I am glad that she nurtured it, and I'm trying to nurture it in myself.

How about you?

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Did You Hear About My Favorite/Least Favorite Teacher?

Archie Brown grew to love the teacher that had been his least favorite.

I got word on Monday that my 9th grade Algebra teacher had passed away. I was saddened, because Mrs Lovett had come to be a big influence on my life, even though I only saw her a half dozen times over the past 30 or 35 years. But I did not realize how much I appreciated her till I was leaving a comment on deorre's blog about teacher's today.

Mrs. Lovett was not the sweet and gentle type. She was direct and strict in her classroom. If someone was not paying attention in her classroom, she might stop by and give them a few seconds dry shampoo to remind them she was trying to teach. Chewing gum was absolutely forbidden in Mrs. Lovett's class.

One day I had to go to the dentist to have the septum between my two front teeth removed. When the surgery was over, the wound was packed with a plaster-type material that dried hard and was the color of bubble gum. It covered about half my front teeth as well as the gumline. I was sent back to school, just in time for Algebra.

I had only been in my chair a couple of minutes when Mrs. Lovett called me by name and told me I needed to make a deposit in the trash can. I begged her pardon, I did not know what she was talknig about. She said, "Do you think I cannot see the gum you are trying to hide in the front of your mouth?" I said, "Mrs. Lovett, that is not gum, I just came from the dentist." She was unconvinced, and had me come to her desk and open my mouth. She proceeded to tap on the plaster and she was not tender! But she did dismiss me back to my seat.

Mrs. Lovett's favorite saying was, "the tiny drops of water and the tiny grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land." She wanted us to pay attention to the little details in our math, and in our lives. I have used that quote in so many situations in my own life.

And I have used it often in raising my daughters. One application was in the first basic decisions about thier morality. If the first decisions made are to be modest, she would be more likely to create a "pleasant land" of purity in her life. But if the first decisions are less honorable, she may end up washed away in a "mighty ocean" of immorality. The foundation laid early in life is so vital. Like Mrs. Lovett I love to try to lead young people to make sound judgments.

Allie Lovett taught me a lot more than Algebra!

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Did You Hear About The Joke My Mother In Law Told Me?

Archie Brown actually heard this joke from his mother in law!

A guy was on his morning jog when he saw the hearse moving slowly through the park. Behind it was a fairly young couple. The lady was quietly crying and leaning on the man, who had a small dog on a leash. They were followed by the longest funeral procession the jogger had ever seen.

His curiosity forced him to jog over to the young man with the dog and said, "I am sorry to be disrespectful, but I have never seen such a long funeral procession, who is it in the hearse, someone famous?" The young man glanced at his grieving wife and then back to the jogger and replied,
"It is my mother-in-law, and she was not famous."

The perplexed jogger then asked, "what happened, did something tragic cause her death?" The man shook his head as he pointed down to the dog and said, "My dog bit her and she died." The jogger raised his eybrows, caught his breath for a moment, then asked, "Man, can I borrow your dog?"

The man sighed and said, "Get in line!"

Do you have any good mother-in-law jokes? If you will share them, I won't tell her you told me!

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Did You Hear About My Little Sister?

Archie Brown and his little sister, Cathy always seemed to have tension between them. There was no good reason, but it was there. When Cathy got old enough to go to high school, Archie had already been there for 2 years and was a BMOC, in his own mind. When there was an activity at the high school, if Cathy wanted to go, Archie had to take her along with him. Even if he had a date. It really steamed him.

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Did You Hear About The First 100 Days of Nancy Pelosi?

Archie Brown is not a big fan of Nancy Pelosi, but she has gotten off to a typical start for a politician who has risen to new heights of power. Her legislative priorities that she promised to get to the president’s desk in the first hundred days of the new Democratic dominated Congress’s term have somehow become invisible. Her promise that the Congress would work five days a week, just like the American people, is nowhere to be seen. Three days a week is a stretch for them. Ms. Pelosi has been spending all this time trying to find ways to “payback” Republicans for the way they ran things from 1994 till this January.

So much for Ms. Pelosi! Archie just shakes his head and wonders if anyone in politics really cares about the country.

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Did You Hear About Mark Prior?

Archie Brown is a big baseball fan, and he loves the Houston Astros. So any thing that helps the 'Stros is usually cause for rejoicing in his mind. But the News that Chicago Cubs pitcher Mark Prior had to withdraw from a minor league game where he is rehabbing his shoulder is not good news for baseball. Prior was so promising a young pitcher that it is a shame he is not as healthy as in necessary to live up to the promise!

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Did You Hear About Shrimp?

Archie Brown has a simple Shrimp Recipes that is easy and so delicious. Melt butter in the bottom of a baking dish, submerge (headed) shrimp in the butter, cover the top with black pepper, bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes! Have some French bread on hand to dip in the shrimpy butter!

Shrimp is the most exquisite food,
Happiness is always the mood
Resulting from a nice shrimp meal!
I love shrimp if it is fried or grilled,
Marinated, stuffed, or boiled and chilled!
Pass the shrimp, and watch me peel!

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Did You Hear About Grandma Brown?

Archie likes to tell about his Grandma Brown.

My dad’s mother was one of those truly great Christian ladies. She lived her faith every day, and her good deeds were a positive force on everyone who lived in her small community. Her philosophy of life is not widely accepted in today’s society. She believed in doing her best at whatever task in which she was involved. She complained very seldom and always expected to do her share. Grandma slept very soundly every night, she said, because she did not have a guilty conscience.

Today’s generation would rather do only enough to get by. They would rather be done for than do for someone else. This attitude is prevalent in our work habits, our family life, our religious life, everywhere. At the appearance of a stumbling block, we give up.

We need to be ready to fight for the victory. Without the struggle, no victory is possible. Without labor, we can arrive at no rest.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.”

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Did You Hear About My Sister Cathy?

Archie Brown has a sister named Cathy. She is twenty two months younger than Arch, and they never got along very well. Cathy is the only girl in the family and was spoiled. At least that is the way Archie always saw it. Their dad, Orel, made it clear that he expected Archie to protect Cathy and to defer to her because she was younger, and a girl! Archie chafed against those rules!

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