Did You Hear About The Time I Ate A Whole Cow?

When Archie Brown was a young boy, he loved it when his maternal grandparents came to visit in Texas, from their home outside Philadelphia. His grandparents loved Archie and his siblings, Cathy and Max. They thought Archie was the smartest boy they had ever met and they loved to laugh at his jokes.

On one trip, Grandpa Gabelle said, “I am so hungry I could eat a cow.” Archie said, “Grandpa, I know a place that will serve each of us a whole cow, and I promise I will eat my whole cow if you buy it for me.” His grandpa said he’d buy, so Archie took him to the Dairy Bar, the establishment with menu items, Brown Cow and Black Cow. The Black Cow was chocolate ice cream in a tall glass, with root beer poured over it, the Brown Cow had vanilla ice cream.

True to his word, Archie ate his whole Black Cow!

Did You Hear About The Time We Gave Timeshare For A Wedding GIft?

Archie and Ronda Brown had several times traded the use of their timeshare property in Galveston, Texas for use of other properties in various destinations for their vacations.

They also found another way to use their ownership to great benefit. When their daughter, Evonne, got married, Arch and Ronda traded their week of time for a week in a property for the honeymoon. It worked out so well that they gave the timeshare exchange to loved ones for their honeymoon trips.

Did You Hear About The Time We Used OurTimeshare To Go To D. C.?

One year Archie and Ronda traded their timeshare week in Galveston for a week in Red River, New Mexico. The family went skiing, along with other family members. Their place had beds for six and a kitchen and dining area. The bay window provided a view of the mountain they were skiing. It also had a hot tub, which was a welcome relief after a day on the mountain.

Did You Hear About The Time We Used OurTimeshare To Go Skiing?

One year Archie and Ronda traded their timeshare week in Galveston for a week in Red River, New Mexico. The family went skiing, along with other family members. Their place had beds for six and a kitchen and dining area. The bay window provided a view of the mountain they were skiing. It also had a hot tub, which was a welcome relief after a day on the mountain.

Did You Hear About The Time We Went to Hear About Timeshare Properties?

Archie and Ronda Brown went to one of those presentations of a timeshare property in Galveston. They thought it would be a nice way to pick up the door prize being offered, and afterward they would stop for a nice seafood dinner and a stroll down the seawall. Ninety minutes later they had signed up to buy a floating red week of time and become members of the vacation exchange service, RCI.

Not such a cheap evening as they had expected!

Did You Hear About My Grandfather GIving Me A Beagle Hound?

Archie Brown’s was given one of the red and white beagles bred by his grandfather. The mother of the pup was named on her AKC papers, “Bingo’s Belle.” Archie named his puppy Whizzer. On his papers he was, “Belle’s Whizzer.” And Whizzer grew to be a field trial champion.

One day a friend, Walt, asked Archie if Whizzer could go on a hunt with the friend’s beagles. Archie allowed Walt to take his prized hound. But it was a deadly mistake. Whizzer was leading the pack that was chasing a rabbit. When the rabbit passed Walt, he shot at it. But he missed and shot Whizzer in the head instead.

Did You Hear About My Grandfather's Beagle Hounds?

Archie Brown’s grandfather bred beagles for several reasons. One he loved the breed, loved to watch and listen to them work as they hunted rabbits. He loved to compete at field trials and dog shows against other breeders. And he loved the extra money that came from selling pups from his champion blood lines.

One of the reasons people sought out his pups was that he had bred the black out of his dogs; his beagles were only red and white. Archie grew up loving beagles, especially red and white ones.

Did You Hear About The Time I Went Away to College?

When Archie Brown had gone away to school in Abilene, he wanted to be away from constant scrutiny of his folks. He wasn’t sure why, he just knew that is what he wanted.
He had never played poker before college. But he tried it and liked it a lot. It was how he financed his dating life. He had never had pizza before going to college, because the only place that sold it in his little home town was the beer joint, and he was not allowed to go there. When he tried pizza for the first time, he was hooked; it was a Pizza Inn sausage pizza! He went to his first strip club, skipped his first class and a few other experiments. Fortunately for him the only thing he tried that he continued doing throughout his life was eating pizza!

Did You Hear About The Time I Became a Blogger?

Archie Brown was happily making a living as a coach and teacher. But one day he received an email from one of his daughters urging him to join her in becoming bloggers. Archie had heard the word, but did not even know what the term meant until that night. His second daughter, Lizzie, thought he might like the experience.

She convinced him to sign up and name her as the one who referred him. That would allow the income that was possible from advertising on the blogs to be more lucrative. They both signed up and became blog addicted. It was not only a chance to express ideas and discuss them with others around the world, it also let the two of them know each other better than ever before.

Did You Hear About The Time My Cousin Moved Into Town?

Archie Brown had a cousin, Bobby, who was about three when his family moved from the farm to the small city where Archie’s family lived. It turned out to be somewhat traumatic for Bobby.

You see, he was in the midst of potty training. When they were on the farm, they facility was out side, a nice two-holer. So when Bobby would announce his need to go, his mom, Archie’s Aunt Lily, would tell him, “okay, that is a big boy, hurry run outside!”

But when they moved to the city, their new home had indoor plumbing. So when Bobby would be playing outside and tell Aunt Lily he needed to go, she would say, “Okay, that is a big boy, run INSIDE.” Bobby was a very confused little boy!

Did You Hear About The Time I made My First Error?

Archie Brown was so pleased when as a ten year old; he was named the starter at second base on his Little League Team, the Dodgers! He was the only ten year old starter on a good team; most of the rest of the starters were 12!

One night the Dodgers were having a particularly bad night. Nobody could catch the ball, it seemed. Bobby Koenig, the catcher had a miserable night behind the plate. And Mo Rave, the All-Everything shortstop, had made three errors that had allowed several unearned runs to score. The Dodgers were down 10-1.

That is when Archie made an error at second base, his first of the season. He stood at second base and could not keep the tears from flowing. He felt he was to blame for the bad situation the team was in. It was irrational, but that is how he felt. His coach, Mr. Billington, came onto the field to console Arch, and let him know he was still an important part of the team. Archie got over the error.

But he never forgot Mr. Billington!

Did You Hear About The Time I Got A Serious Sunburn?

Archie Brown and some of his class mates were invited on San Jacinto Day to go to the lake with their favorite teacher. Mrs. Tucker had been their teacher in the 5th grade. Now as 6th graders, they still loved her. Tommy and Larry and Zeke and Arch went swimming and canoeing and even fished a bit.

It was an overcast day, so the guys thought nothing about going shirtless all day. But they learned that overcast days do not mean one cannot get serious sunburns. Archie and the guys all missed a couple of days of school because of the severe burns. Archie even had to go to the doctor to get some relief.

He never again went shirtless outside again, even when swimming, he wore a tee shirt.

Did You Hear About Our First Thanksgiving Together?

Archie Brown and Ronda had only been married since March. It was their first Thanksgiving together. Ronda’s mother and step-dad, as well as her grandmother & grandfather came for the meal. So did Archie’s little brother Max.

Ronda had done a wonderful job in the kitchen, the turkey was tender, the mashed potatoes were so creamy, the peas, corn, cranberry sauce, the hot rolls, everything was perfect.

The only flaw in the day came when Max asked Archie to toss him a roll. Archie did so—he tossed a roll to his little brother. Ronda was not amused, nor were her mom and grandmother.

Did You Hear About The Time We Picked Up Coke Bottles To Get Movie Tickets?

Archie and Cathy Brown wanted to go to the matinee at the local theater. A ticket only cost twenty cents in those days, but it was a more than their dad could afford that weekend. It was not the first time that had been the case. So they resorted to their old way of raising funds.

They got their wagon and began walking the streets of their small town to collect discarded coke bottles from the ditches. The return on the bottles was two cents each. So when they had gathered twenty five bottles, they went to the local market and redeemed the bottles. Each of them had a quarter, so they could get in the theater and were able to buy a bag of popcorn, which cost a nickel.

Did You Hear About The Time My Hit Four Homers & Stole 8 Papers?

Archie Brown’s daughter, Evonne, was an athletic girl. When she was only 8 she made headlines in the local newspaper’s sports page! It read “Brown Hits 4 for 4 Home Runs!” The story gave an account of the softball game Evonne had played in the previous night. Her team had won and she had indeed hit 4 homers in the game.

As he read the paper, Archie called Evonne from her room to see the story. He told her that they should get some extra copies of the paper so they could send to grandparents and othr family members that would want to see it. Evonne said she would go across the street to the newspaper rack to make the purchase. Archie gave her 8 quarters to pay for the copies he decided were needed.

A few minutes later Evonne came in with the papers and returned 7 quarters to her dad. When asked why she had not deposited the quarters, she said that when she had opened the rack with the first quarter, she took all the papers she wanted and did not have to put in any more money.

Archie informed her that she could not take the papers without paying for all she had taken. She was shocked to find she had stolen the papers. She ran back to the rack and deposited the rest of the quarters.

And Archie had another memory for life.

Did You Hear About The Time I Learned to Drive?

When Archie Brown got his driver’s license, his family owned a 1957 Dodge Coronet. It was red and white and had the incredibly long fins on the back. Archie loved the way it looked fast. And it had a 400 cubic inch engine, so it would GO fast! It had an automatic transmission, but it did not have a gear shift handle, it was push buttons!

Orel, Archie’s dad, took Arch out for his first drive. They took the route that Orel usually drove to get to work. Part of the route was along a canal with a 40 embankment. Archie was pretty nervous on that section, and when they turned off the levee road Archie was relieved. He did not know that in only 3 years, he would be driving that road every day on his way to the same plant, the way his dad had for nearly 40 years.

Did You Hear About The Time My Grandson Had a Birthday?

Andy Brown had a birthday, it was number 7! His grandparents, Archie and Ronda, hosted a supper for the family members on that night, with plans to have a party with Andy’s friends on the weekend. Andy got to choose the menu, so dinner was spaghetti and salad and birthday cake with ice cream and M & M’s.

Everyone brought a gift. He received books, a batting glove, 2 pairs of pajamas, a harmonica he had been asking for, three shirts from his favorite football, basketball and college teams. Plus he received two action figures that came from the dollar store, a knight and a dragon.

Guess which gift was his favorite!

Did You Hear About The Time I Found Fudgesicles?

Archie Brown loved chocolate. He liked chocolate cake and chocolate pie, and chocolate candy. Of course his favorite ice cream was chocolate. So when the local Popsicle vendor announced that he was now carrying the new Fudgesicle, Archie was overjoyed.

No longer did he have to make a decision about whether to choose cherry, orange or grape Popsicle. Those were for kids! He loved the Fudgesicles and that was always his choice when the Ice Cream Man came into the neighborhood!

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Did You Hear About The Time I Found Something Green to Eat That Tasted Good?

Archie Brown was a picky eater. He did not like the taste of green things. It was not that he thought he did not like them without trying them. He always was made to try before he was allowed to determine his like or dislike of a particular dish. So he was able to find many things he did like. But things like spinach, or broccoli or lettuce or cabbage did not taste nice to him.

In all the testing of green things, the only one Archie found to his liking was---
LIME SHERBET!

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Did You Hear About The Times I Entered the School Spelling Bee?

Archie Brown was a good speller. It came easy to him in school. He loved to take spelling tests. One of the times he enjoyed most each week in school was when Mrs. Colvin held a class spelling bee. Archie invariably won the class competition.

Every year there was a school wide spelling bee. Every year Archie entered and did very well. In fact, he finished second all three years of elementary school. The reason he finished second was Candy Rabon. Candy always beat Archie. She won the trophy. Archie got a ribbon and a pair of tickets to the local theater.

It was a good thing he liked to go to the movies!

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Did You Hear About The Times I Flew An Airplane Off A Cliff?

Archie Brown attended a campout every spring at a campground in the Hill Country of Texas. One of the distinctive features of the campsite is a cliff that overlooks the camp facilities. The top of the cliff is a favorite destination of campers, because the view is so spectacular.

One of the little things Archie liked to do was take fly a plane off that cliff. The first time he tried it, he just made a paper airplane and launched it from the edge of the cliff. Over subsequent years Archie took balsa wood gliders, Styrofoam gliders and plastic gliders of various sizes.

No great records were set, but Archie enjoyed himself!

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Did You Hear About The Time All Three Kids Got the Measles?

Archie Brown had pneumonia twice and chickenpox. His sister, Cathy had had whooping cough as a baby and broken her arm once. Their little brother, Max, had broken his collar bone twice and his arm once. Each of those times had made for a bit of difficulty for their parents, especially their mother, Betty Lou.

But the time that all three of them came down with severe cases of the measles was a really difficult time for her. She put them all in the living room, because it was darker than any room in the house. For some reason Betty thought that light would hurt their eyes when they had measles. Archie was on one couch, Cathy on the other and Max on a pallet on the floor. They stayed in there for most of a week, with high fevers and whiny attitudes. It was a tough week for all!

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Did You Hear About The Time My Sister Learned to Read?

Cathy Brown was a bright little girl, but she was having trouble learning to read. She was doing well in math and other subjects. She had her eyes checked, but that was not the problem.

One day in a conference with her teacher, Cathy's parents, Orel and Betty Lou, asked to have Cathy demonstrate the way she was trying to read. They all sat down and got out her primer. Cathy started on the left of the page, using her finger to guide her vision as she moved across the page. When she got to the end of the page, she dropped to the next line, on the right of the page, and changing hands, used her finger to guide her vision back in the other direction. All the adults said at once, "That's it!"

Cathy was ambidextrous. When she was forced to use only one hand, she began reading well, almost immediately!

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Did You Hear About The Time I Contracted Chicken Pox?

Archie Brown was about as unlucky as nay boy ever was. At least, that is how he felt when he came down with some disease that ruined holidays off from school. When he was in third grade, he came down with pnuemonia on the day of the Christmas party at school. In the ninth grade, the day he again was attacked by pnuemonia, this time on the day of dismissal for the Easter break. Both times he spent much of the time off in the hospital.

When he was in the sixth grade Archie went to the Saturday matinee on the day after shcool had been dismissed for the Christmas holiday. When he arrived home, his mom, Betty Lou, asked him about the spots on his neck and face. Archie had come down with Chicken Pox. It was a light case, but Archie was house bound for a good portion of the holiday season. Not feeling bad made it all the worse.

Unluckiest boy in town!

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Did You Hear About The Time I Had Pneumonia?

Archie Brown woke up that morning so sick he could hardly lift his head. His mom was really worried; Archie had never had a temperature of 105 before. She sent the other kids to school with her neighborhood carpool. She loaded Archie in the car and took him to the hospital. He was immediately taken into the emergency room and put into an ice bath, with a fan blowing across him to get the fever down. He was given a shot of penicillin to fight his bacterial pneumonia.

When the fever was at an acceptable, Archie was taken to a room, where he spent the next week. Later that day, his third grade teacher, Mrs. Adams, came to see Archie. She brought him the gift that had been intended for him at the party at school that day.

You see, it was the day before the school break for the Christmas holiday.

Did You Hear About The Time My Brother Made The Skeet Shooting Team?

Archie was a good athelte, with good eye hand coordination. But his brother, Max Brown, was a natural with any weapon. When he was twelve, Max got a bow and arrow for Christmas from his grandparents. When they visited at Easter time, Max could already shoot the flame off a candle at twenty paces.

When Max went to work with the prison system, he was invited to come try out for the skeet shooting the at the unit. Though he had never shot skeet before, he hit 91 of a hundred in his trial. Needless to say, he made the team.

Did You Hear About The Most Impressive Historical Places I Have Seen?

1. Linclon Memorial in Washington, D.C.
2. Monticello--Thomas Jefferson's home
3. The Marine Corps Monument in Arlingon National Cemetery
4. Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia
5. The Alamo
6. The Statue of Liberty
7. The Biltmore Mansion in Asheville, North Carolna
8. Gettysburg Battlefield in Pennsylvania
9. Vicksburg Battlefield in Mississippi
10. The Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C.

Archie also began thinking about where he would like to visit in the future.

Did You Hear About The Time I Predicted The Top Ten NCAA Football Teams?

Wayne could hardly keep a straight face. He had just found Archie’s preseason picks for the NCAA football top ten. He had called Barry to come over as well, so they could both tease Arch about his picks. When he put the list on the table in front of Archie, Wayne said “It is a good thing you did not place any bets on this list, or you would be broke!” Here is Archie’s prediction:
1. Notre Dame
2. West Virginia
3. Ohio State
4. LSU
5. Texas
6. Florida State
7. Southern Cal
8. Iowa
9. Florida
10. Texas Tech
Archie laughed, but he surely wished his friends had never seen his list!

Did You Hear About The Mean Lady Who Lived Across From The Ball Park?

Archie and his neighbor buddies loved to go the little league park. To get to the park, Wayne, Barry, and Arch would walk across Huisache Street, between the houses on that side. They proceeded past the houses that faced Oak Drive and backed up to the houses opposite Archie’s house. They were careful when they went past 109 Oak Drive, because they were afraid of the lady who lived there, Mrs. Stuman.

As far as anyone knows, Mrs. Stuman never killed or kidnapped anyone, but the boys feared her anyway. She was very gruff. So when a foul ball was hit into the Stuman’s front yard, the boys would go through a little ritual to determine who had to go into the yard to retrieve the ball.

One of the boys would toss the bat. It would be caught by another of the guys. Then each boy would place his hand above one another until someone had come to grip the knob of the bat. The unlucky player then had to make the trip, with all his friends holding their breath until the ball was brought back and play resumed

Did You Hear About The Time I Saw My Dad Cry At The Movies?

Archie Brown's dad, Orel, did not cry. He was from the generaton that taught that men don't do that. So the night Archie saw his dad crying over a movie was indeed memorable for him.

Archie was 17, and had a date that night. He had taken Avis to see the new James Stewart movie, Shenandoah. It was a great movie, and became one of Archie's all time favotites. It is a the story of a family in Virginia in the days of the Civil War. It has lots of beautiful scenery, some good action sequences and several very touching scenes about a man, much like Orel. The final scene shows a man and his son he thought was dead being reunited.

When the lights in the theater went up, Archie saw his dad. He had not known his dad was coming to the theater that night, so he was already a bit surprised. But when he saw Orel take out his handkerchief and wipe his eyes as he stood up, he was amazed. It was the first time he had seen his father crying. Archie kept that image in his mind for the rest of his days!

Did You Hear About The Time I Went Back to My Hometown For A Funeral?

The town was much smaller when the Browns lived there. Archie was surprised at the changes he found when he went back for a funeral in his hometown. His brother’s mother-in-law had passed away, so Archie had brought the family to pay respects.

When the funeral was over, Archie took his kids and grandkids on a ride through town. He wanted them to see the places he had enjoyed as a boy. But there had been lots of changes. The house he had grown up in was still the same, but the street was now paved instead of blacktop. And all the woods that had been behind the house were gone. The area that had concealed what he and his friends had called Lost Lake was now a big subdivision, and the lake was now called Shy Pond!

The elementary school Archie had attended had been expanded, and the theater at which Archie had worked now housed a community music center. There was now a mall, and of course a Wal-mart. Lots of the shops he had frequented were no longer in business. The tour was almost as sad to Archie as the funeral.

Did You Hear About The Time I Asked My Sister To Walk Behind Me?

Archie and Cathy Brown were nearly two years apart, age wise. They did not always get along. Archie thought that since he was older, he should have some respect from his sister, and some privileges she did not have. And he did not always conduct himself in a way that drew respect from Cathy, or privileges from his folks for that matter.

For instance, there was that time, when Arch was ten and Cathy was eight. Their mom, Betty, sent the kids to the Ben Franklin 5 & Dime, for some embroidery thread. It was about six block from their home. As they entered the business district of the small community, Archie turned to Cathy and said, “Walk behind me, about three steps, so no one will know we are together. It is embarrassing to have you walking with me.”

Do you think that helped build Cathy’s respect for her brugly other?